The First Time Mum

The white stuff. Liquid gold. The pressure we put on ourselves to make sure our baby is fed on breastmilk is crazy. I suppose we are all different so not everyone may feel this pressure, but now Peggy has been on breastmilk for nearly three months, I am feeling the pressure more than ever.

She was born relatively small at 6lbs 4oz, but I am pleased she wasn’t any bigger! However, I do think that her size may have had something to do with her not latching properly. Her small mouth just wasn’t quite big enough (I will leave the rest to your imagination!) As soon as she was born she was put straight on the boob and me not knowing what to expect, just thought the pain was normal. Well girls, it’s not! I fed her all that night and the following day like this, wincing each time. Move forward a few days and after amazing help from the midwives and lactation consultant in Oamaru we moved to pumping.

Low and behold, with a full belly, we now had a very content baby fed on the bottle.

I started off chained to the machine, plugged into the wall. Going out for the day was a struggle; I had to find somewhere to stop with a power socket. So, I thought I would try an in-bra pump and see how this went. Would I get enough milk off? Would the battery last long enough? Would it fit properly? Of all the things I have spent my money on, this was by far one of the best purchases. I wouldn’t quite say it changed my life; that’s a bit dramatic and cliche! But it almost did. I could now pump and feed her easily at the same time, pump on the go, not worry about how long I would be away from home, not worrying about where I would find a socket. It really was a game changer. My milk supply wasn’t affected either, still producing about 1L a day. And so here I am to this day, still pumping and feeding Peggy breastmilk through a bottle.

There are pros and cons to most things and so there is too with pumping. The pros would be that feeding through a bottle means that anyone can feed her. I can leave her with Hayden for the day and not have to worry about how she’s getting fed. It also means she can drink a relatively big amount in a short space of time. I really think this has also helped with her sleeping. She has always been a good sleeper, like her parents, and I believe most of this is down to her being able to drink 150mls within half an hour which will fill her up to the eyeballs and send her nicely to sleep for five to six hours.

The cons – all the stuff! Bottles, pumps, teats, sterilisers, you name it. It definitely requires a list when going away, the baby brain does not stop once you’ve given birth sadly!

As with most things, unfortunately, it isn’t quite as plain sailing as I’d like it to be. Now she is awake most of the day, she is feeding most of the day and so on some occasions she is drinking me dry! On the days where this happens I have felt considerably down in the dumps. Today is one of those days. It’s a feeling of sadness and disappointment in myself. I should be able to feed by own child shouldn’t I?

Bloody hormones!

But do you know what? One feed of formula is not going to hurt her. Nor will a few days, or weeks or months. Lots of children are fed solely on formula and they have, funnily enough, all turned out fine! So now I am trying to turn that feeling of disappointment upside down. I should be feeling proud that I have been able to feed Peggy on breastmilk. So many mums are sadly unable to do this.

So, this is for all the mums out there, trying to breastfeed. It is tough. No one warns you of how hard it actually is. We get taught about the birth, but, as painful as it is, it has nothing on feeding your baby.

You got this mum!