The First Time Mum

This picture that Michelle took just cracked me up, so I couldn’t resist. I feel like it fits the mood too!

Guilt. What a funny feeling it is. Before we went to the UK I unfortunately accepted redundancy. I was so busy with Peggy at the time and looking forward to our trip to the UK that I thought when we returned to NZ in January I would be quite happy as a stay at home mum. Peggy is honestly the best, I couldn’t ask for a more fun, easy going baby. But, staying at home with her alone, I have found pretty tough. She is such a lot of fun at the moment and she is hitting new milestones almost on a daily basis. This time is such a great period. But this feeling of guilt creeps in.

Today was Peggy’s first full day at daycare. I didn’t sleep much last night, mainly worrying about if she was actually going to nap! I dropped her off at 9am and plan to pick her up at 3pm. My plan was to sit at home in silence and watch some rubbish on TV. But I also felt I should take the opportunity to visit a few people and find myself a new job. Something to keep my brain ticking and keep me sane. So I spent most of the day around Palmerston and Oamaru. I then came home to put the washing out, vacuumed the house and to write this.

I really hope she has enjoyed her day. I feel really guilty for wanting some time to myself. Unfortunately I need another purpose at the moment to keep my brain ticking over. It’s been really hard to find something part-time, or at least suitable hours to fit around Peggy and something that gets me excited. I am very spoilt that financially I don’t necessarily need a job. So I’m being picky. I could go and work on the checkouts in New World, but thanks but no thanks. Unfortunately I feel that a lot of mums get pushed out of the running for jobs because of their family scenario. Someone without kids is a safer bet – no sickness, no time off, unlikely to to go on maternity leave again, the list goes on. Very frustrating!

So there we are, that’s my feelings of the day. Guilt that I’m looking forward to a day without Peggy. And guilt that I want to get back to work and gain some independence back. But also I cannot wait to have her back in an hour! ❤️